I had the chance to interview relationship coach Tony Gaskins when he came to Montreal to share some inspirational advices in his Real Love Tour . The occasion was the ideal context to reflect on love and relationships.
You’ve found your ideal partner, he stimulates your intellect and arouses your senses, he makes you laugh, he’s sincere, and you’re both committed to each other. Your relationship has become your home, the place where you feel safe, where you create memories and where you have projects in the making.
The relationship expert, Tony Gaskins, advices to treat your relationship like it’s your house. In his vlog post entitled “Treat your Relationship like a house,” Tony shares four tips to make sure that you have a nice warm and cozy place that keeps on giving.
1 – Make sure that your foundation is solid, that your relationship is based on love.
In the long run, it’s friendship and love that are going to help you stick together. Lust and sex will always be thrilling when you discover each other’s bodies but when things get though, if love isn’t the foundation.If you don’t see your partner as a friend, the relationship may not last #UnikLife Click To Tweet
2 – To make your relationship work, you have to pay your dues like you would pay your mortgage on your home.
As author of the book The Happy Couple, Barton Goldsmith says in his article “8 Ways to Make Your Relationship Work Better” : “Relationships that work are the ones that are worked on.” In addition to communication, acknowledgement, interdependence, playfulness, acceptance, positivity, reinforcement, and honesty, Tony adds that “you have to be selfless, you have to give of yourself.” In other words, You have to do what you have to do to make the relationship work.”
3 – Don’t overshare private details about your relationship, just like you would keep your home doors locked
Having just about everyone involved in your relationship puts strains on love. Remember Monster-in-Law? The film in which J Lo’s character has a horrible mother-in-law who tried to destroy the relationship of her son? While not everyone has mischievous intentions, close friends can also damage your love nest. Asking for professional help is always a better bet when you need advice, thinks Tony.
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4- Live your relationship in the present, it’s much more fun than in a virtual reality
You probably has this acquaintance on your social media who seems to have that perfect partner, the perfect relationship, the perfect vacations but all those happy pictures that he or she keeps posting is only a fraction of what is really going on in their personal life. Get recognition from your partner on a daily basis, exchange and support each other instead of posting all photos of yourselves in the hope of getting some virtual appreciation from people you don’t even know that well.
BONUS: 5 – Order your grass and don’t compare your relationship to your friends’ relationships.
According to the research conducted by Sabrina Thai and Penelope Lockwood entitled “Comparing You = Comparing Me: Social Comparisons of the Expanded Self,” , seeing your partner as close to your ideal partner has positive implications on your relationship. It’s not that you “aren’t delusional about your partner, but you’re not allowing their shortcomings to your overall judgment.” And according to Tony Gaskins, this is why it’s important to refrain from comparing your relationship to the ones of your friends.
There, you have it the Tony Gaskins tips for a successful relationship. Five simple advices to follow to build a strong home for your lover and yourself.